My world

I've always been able to open up and share. But there are some areas I deem too important, too personal, to mention... let alone go into detail. You see, around the time the post frequency started to dwindle around here, something was going on in my life.

I have appreciated the emails asking me to post more! I love hearing how Allen Tattoo has somehow helped other people that are going or have went through this incredible process. I'm not sure what I did do deserve such incredible readers, but I can't thank you enough.

So...

Once my marriage started to not only show cracks, but actually crumble, it was only right to give the site lower priority. The process was and is painful. Obviously. Seven years and I watched myself walk, crawl, run, and stand confused through a divorce. As difficult as that process was, nothing matters other than my little man: Xavier Michael Allen. The process is continual for him and we're both doing all we can to maintain a strong sense of love, solidarity, and safety.

Now I'm figuring out a schedule. I've certainly poured myself into my first love, art. And I've watched my pieces grow in complexity and execution. I've such a long long way to go, but I know I'm on the right path. With a new routine being developed, I have to make a point to not get sucked in. Sure, I love tattooing. In every way, the pursuit could take me over. But I cannot let it. There has to be balance. Even if I despise discipline; I know it will make me better in the end.

And somewhere in striving for balance, I'm already discovering more about myself than I knew. Tattooing has strengthened my confidence. I hurt, but doubt never creeps in. I wonder, but never worry. It seems my approach is different. I wouldn't say self sufficient, but I can trust in myself and my ability to handle the near future.

When Nathan Kostechko was tattooing me, he said something that stuck. I don't think it was the words, but more the implication behind it...

"I'm following that ghost line, the one that doesn't exist, but is about to."

While he said it, he looked at me a little inquisitive (in his eyes), but way more matter of fact (in his brow). His words hit me. He articulated the mysterious mental and physical process perfectly. I just got it, so I smiled back.

And so now I realize I'm doing the same. My goal is to be a wonderful father, to love people and put my all into everything I create. I've a long way to go on all accounts, but I know I'm in the middle of a process. It's my turn to follow that ghost line - the one that doesn't exist, but ...somehow and someway... will, eventually.

For now, keep bearing with me while I figure things out around here. I'm always posting to Flickr and Tweeting random stuff over on the sidebar. Let me get past grieving a little and I'll follow through with some old fashioned blog posts.